Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in divinefate's LiveJournal:

Friday, August 18th, 2006
9:10 am	Usually I am a bitch. But now he's just blowing up at me and calling me a bitch when I don't even do anything! And then it makes me cry and he gets even more mad because I am crying....and I only cry because it hurts me and I don't know what else to do. He hurts my feelings so bad sometimes. I don't understand it. The person who "loves" you isn't supposed to make you cry or be in pain...right? But maybe love isn't real. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
11:37 pm	EOTC (Comment on this)
Monday, July 31st, 2006
12:29 pm	So many shows.....So little money.... ♥ I have Panic! tomorrow, 2 Punchline shows next Thursday and Friday, 3 Cute is What We Aim For Shows on September 03, 06, and 07...and then 1 Envy on the Coast Show on September 09. ♥ And my mom is going to buy the tickets for me and I am supposed to pay her back....But my boyfriend is the one with the job....not me....so he has to pay for them. and when he finds out how much money it's going to be he is going to KILL me! Oh my God, I am scared already! ♥ What did I do? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
9:39 am	PLKW3 remembered me! This night could seriously not have been better! So Shannon and I drive all the way up to Culver City to go the MTV Movie Awards....we didn't even have tickets. So we end up going in with these girls Shannon, Brigette (sp?), and Allison. And we get right on the "blue carpet". So we see Peter walking in and we start screaming his name. He looks over and waves and I yell out "Come sign my OCK card!" and he says "oh yeah, for sure." So he comes over and we're like "so do you remember us?" And I was trying to explain that we were the girls that did the Pete face in San Diego. And Shannon's brilliant ass starts pointing at me saying "Teets for Pete! Teets for Pete!" and he looks up at me and says.....OMG you will NEVER guess what he said! he says "Oh yeah! Your hair is different!" I about died! I didnt even say anything....Shannon had to answer for me. And he walked away..and we saw a bunch of other stars and shit...dont really want to sit and name off people because the only reason I went to these awards was to see Peter. So anyways...we watch the whole pre-show.....from the sidelines....and at the end, when he starts walking up to the little stage, we yell out his name - AND MAKE HIM TRIP! He seriously almost fell on his face. I felt so bad! And we yelled Happy Birthday to him and he turned around and was like Thank You! So we start singing FOB songs....Chicago is so Two Years Ago, Dead on Arrival, Grand Theft Autumn, and last.....Grenade Jumper. Thats when he walks up to us. I tell Shannon to stop singing the song because Pete hates it, and he goes "I dont hate that song anymore...its cool!" And we seriously just start bullshitting about nothing with Peter Wentz. We told him how Kerri threatened to slit my throat, and he seemed genuinely concerened and says "its ok, they say that about me all the time!" And I said "Yeah cause you look like poop, and smell like poop, and taste lke poop!" and he laughs and says he has to make fun of himself. He said he would answer our Q&A's right then and there, but when he said that me and Shannon both froze up and ended up rapping to him "Trying to catch me riding dirty!" Shannon asked him "Why are they trying to catch me riding Dirty when I have been trying to ride Joe this whole time?" And he laughs and says he doesnt know if their was an answer to that. Hahahaha. It was fucking awesome. Shannon laughed and Peter thought she sneezed...and he wa slike "Was that a sneeze?" and Shannon wa slike "No! It was a laugh!" And I was like "Yeah its one of those Peter Wentz is standing in front of us and we're acting like idiots laughs!" and Shannnon turns and looks at me and saysy "Exactly!" Shannon Tate Kissed Peter Wentz on the neck! and he kissed her back! EW! He has THE softest hands I ahve ever felt in my entire life. I cannot even believe that happened. We made him laugh a lot...and he seriously talked to us for like 20 minutes....He even ignored some annoying girl trying to talk to him..he waved hi to her and then kept talking to us...I have never felt in such shock in my life. He is like the sweetest guy i have ever met....My dreams completely came true tonight... And I still cant believe he not only remembered me, but noticed I changed my hair! More Stuff She Forgot: About how RIHANNA LOVED OUR SIZZZINGING I asked Pete to do me a favor and he said sure what is it then Jessica starts talking about Clandestine shoes and I said Yea I had a dream that you made clandestine shoes but thats not what I was going to ask you. He was like What were you going to ask me? So I told him to tell Patrick I'm sorry for bootybumping him. Pete said "You booty bumped him?!?!" And Jessica said "YEA SHE RUBBED HER ASS ON HIS DICK!" Peters mouth dropped open and was like "Okay I'll tell him, but he probably liked it." Then Jessica goes "HE DID LIKE IT DIDNT HE! I TOLD YOU HE LOVED IT!" (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 17th, 2006
9:05 pm	how OBNOXIOUS! Ok. Rick (my boyfriends friend and this guy I hate) came into mine and my boyfriends room and was talking to me. We have never gotten along. So he's talking to me about how gay FOB is and all of sudden there's some girl walking up the stairs with my boyfriend. Rick turns and looks at me and says "Be nice". MAN FUCK YOU! Don't tell me what to do, and especially dont tell me to be nice before I have even spoke., Like I would really be rude, you know? So then Tony ( My room mate) gets in my face about and I have to call him a douche and ruin a perfectly good night (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
8:15 pm	failure I'm only setting myself up for failure. But failing is what i am best at. Just leave me alone. please? How am I bothering you? I never ask you for anything. And when I do...it's nothing big. Sorry. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 16th, 2006
9:34 pm	I can't hear you Just another day. Have nothing better to do with my time than “suck dick and go on the internet”. Man fuck you. I hate the haters that hate on me I don’t bother you… so why won’t you leave me alone? Stop talking in my face Because seriously I can’t hear you My headphones are too loud And I would turn them down But then I’d have to hear you talk And missing a Fall Out Boy song isn’t worth whatever you’re saying…. Sorry. That’s just the way life works sometimes. Sometimes it’s not that I can’t hear you Sometimes I really am not listening. and I know that pisses you off, so I do it over and over and over again. Until there’s nothing left. Nothing left for you to throw in my face, Because I’ve heard all these lines before And they really don’t impress me much. Stand your ground Like a King protecting his country Don’t back down. Backing down’s for pussies. Pussies like you. Who don’t know what the fuck they are talking about When they open their mouths. So I recommend you stop talking Before you make yourself look any stupider. Because Seriously I can’t hear you. Current Mood: my boyfriend is ignoring me. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 13th, 2006
9:42 am	Yesterday was so much fun! My fiance took me to the snow for the first time yesterday...It was pretty crazy. I was completely unprepared....cold as fuck and WET. OMG! nobody told me snow was wet. WTF? I mean, I don't know what snows like. I thought it melted overnight. I live next to a beach, c'mon...like I actually have snow clothes. bahahahahaha! thats a joke. But I did have a lot of fun. We found our own little spot in the middle of the woods...and just played in the snow. Then we had to wait in like a 3 hour line to get out of the mountains. God it SUCKED! But I like the snow, and I don't...I want to go back, but I wouldn't want to live in it. Don't I look miserable? and gross? My fiance thought it was so cute...The first one I fell down and I wa slike, "help me!" and he laughed and snapped a picture! The second one i was saying "will you ring out my sleeve?" They were soaking wet and my hands were numb because we forgot mittens. It was still a great experience. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Panic! At The Disco (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
10:59 am	OMG! I want to be on TV so bad. I wish that I could be in magazines, and have everybody on the internet tlaking baout me. I wish I wish. The story of my life. I mean how come people that suck...not anyone in particular, just people that suck....get to be famous and "cool" I don't want to be "cool" as they call it...I just wish that someone besides my boyfriend would notice how many wonderful talents I have. I am a interesting person...even if no one cares, I'd still like to voice my opinion nationally. I mean Andy Milanokis....he's a perfect example. That must be the most retarded show I have ever seen...Yet he's famous. I am funny. Seriously. I really am. And you know what else pisses me off right now? The fact that news spreads so fast on the internet.I mean the whole world can collapse while your asleep and you'll wake up and EVERYTHING is differnt. I wish that was all happening about me. I mean jeez, half this stuff probably isn't even true. Because people have been talking about me for years and most of them are lies. But I swear I am not in a bad mood. Maybe I need my boardies...They'll cheer me up if I am sad. Current Mood: but not having a bad day! Current Music: Panic! At The Disco...I Write Sins Not Tragedies (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
12:43 pm	well, I havent given you guys a real journal yet but today I plan too. The first thing I want to address, is drama. I do not like drama in my life. I try to stay far away from drama, because I have seen the damage it can do. It's not pretty. But I do like watching the drama in other people's lives, which is why I go on the internet. It's such a rush seeing 13 year olds argue back and forth...WITH A KEYBOARD! And they always say, you wouldn't be doing this if they were in front of your face. Well kids, that the difference between me and you...I WILL say it to your face and I WILL NOT back down from what I think. I will fight for the things I believe in and I won't take hsit from anyone. I do not have a job ( although I am not a loser ). I live with my fiance, and he doesnt mind that I dont work. Which is awesome. I have worked before doing many different things before, but I really feel my place is at home writing and singing, like I am good at. I'm not going to sit here and be like, "Oh I am going to be famous!" Because fuck that! I sing for myself. because it feels good...not because I want YOU to like it. Same thing when I "dance like a fool" as my roommates put it.I am not dancing for you...I am dancing because I love it. ( if youre going to the FOB concert April 01, you might see me dancing like an idiot...come up and say hi! I'm super nice. ) I have a best friend named Shannon.... I'd be lost without her. We are always synchronized....and I love hanging out with her. We used to be able to sit there, not say a damn word and have the time of our lives. But after one of our other best friends, Randi died, we started saying a lot more of what we wanted. To ourselves, eachother, family and friends. We realized one day...we will be gone, and how do we want to be remembered. As liars and thieves, and losers? No. We wanted to be remebered as honest, and loving, and giving, and caring. And so on and so forth...but for us....her dying mostly brought us closer together...And it is something I thank Randi for each and everyday. LIghter note, now, I do not want to cry....I am from California, born and raised in San Diego! woot-woot! just kidding. any ways. So I lived with my mom most of my life. She's a cool lady. Kind of psycho sometimes, but you gotta love your moms, right? No matter how crazy you MIGHT think she is. Cause I know my mom isn't REALLY crazy. I just lke to talk shit. But anyways. ummm, what else should you guys know? Oh. I am a fall out boy rock Boardie...Cause Boardies PWN bitches! I am a member of the Overcast Kids fan club for FOB, in case you guys dont know what that is....I love Panic!at the disco, Fall Out Boy, The Academy is...and some others...but I forget right now. Those are my top 3 right now though. well, whatever. I am over it http://www.myspace.com/divinefate Current Mood: Shut the Fuck Up! Current Music: Fall Out Boy..TTTYG (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 20th, 2006
11:26 pm	Some Poetry by Me. is.it.all.a.dream. is.it.all.a.dream. this.nightmare.that.i.live could.i.just.live.life. giving.all.i.have.to.give instead.of.always.worrying. if.its.the.right.thing.to.do. should.i.give.you.all.of.me. without.getting.all.of.you. waiting.for.a.time. when.all.my.dreams.will.come.true. wishing.for.a.time. when.i'll.get.to.hold.you get.out.of.my.way. get.out.of.my.head silently.i'm.crying. wishing.i.were.dead. if.you.only.understood. if.only.you.could.see. youre.the.one.i.want. the.only.one.i.need. ......................................................................................................... A.Deep.Sea.Of.You silently and relentlessly I offer you my love disappointment. a broken dream diminished forgotten and lost in the distance. lacking the ability to cry why? I wonder. why? im constantly overlooked disregarded and let down slowly i look around expecting to see the love i have found but youre gone now. emotions so elusive so how can i still do this? how can i hide my feelings so well when im forever trapped inside this hell? left outside to witness the one i am longing for fall in love with someone different i just cant take this anymore. i feel so depleted and cold im only wanting you to know that the moment we met my soul was revived. and for once in my life i felt truly alve. all of this is a fragment of me caught in a never ending conflict distraught, begging someone to stop it. pleease erase the memory all the hurt and all the pain please help me to maintain my ability to be brave. to pretend it doesnt matter that i just dont care at all to pretend i just dont need you when i know im gonna fall. help me to maintain my sanity and grounding. please help me to ignore the fact that i am drowning. into a deep sea of blue. into a deep sea of you. and no matter what i do i'll forever hold onto you. ........................................................................................................ fEELING.bEAUTIFUL.aLL.aROUND why.do.things.like.this.always.happen.to.me? I.always.want.things.i.can't.have. I.always.wish.I.could.be.different. Have.different.things. Have.a.different.life. Because.what.do.I.get.for.all.the.effort.I.have.put.into.living?Jack.shit.thats.what. Not.a.Goddamn.thing.to.show.for.all.of.the.times.I.tried. For.all.the.times.I.failed.and.still.never.gave.up. Knowing.who.I.am.did.not.come.easy. I.had.to.learn.a.lot. I.had.to.keep.looking.back.on.past.mistakes.to.relaize.what.I.did.not.want.to.do. And.I.had.to.learn.to.like.me.for.me. Not.because.some.guy.says.I'm.hott. Or.because.I.look.good.in.a.bathing.suit. But.because.I.have.accomplished.my.goals. I.have.taken.the.time.to.get.to.know.my.mind.soul.and.body. Because.I.FEEL.beautiful.all.around. No.make.up.at.all.anywhere.on.my.face. No.push.up.bras. No.hair.spray. No.manicure. Just.plain.me. ........................................................................................................ Why.Don't.You.Listen? Current mood: thoughtful Concerning Experience Life is our biggest teacher Yesterday came and went too fast Tomorrow is already gone and past Wondering what the future holds Will I be lost forever? Dazzling Triumph Sweet Success Things I'll never gain as long As my life remains a mess. Twisted humor At times may amuse Never letting go Life I will not lose. Still trying to escape Leave myself behind Still grasping onto hope I swear I must be blind. To think that I can run From my hidden inner demon Thinking that I'll get through life Simply just by dreamin. To think that I could turn Leave and walk away When in your eyes I see So much you have to say. JLyn 10/17/05 Current Mood: bored Current Music: From Under The Cork Tree.FOB! (Comment on this)
11:04 pm	What do you think it's about? I know it's getting old, all I am talking about is Fall Out boy, and trust me, there is a lot more to me than an obsession to Pete Wentz. But I need to get my thoughts about them onto paper. Or blog. Or whatever. So here I go. Pete Wentz writes for his band and his friends, not us. And maybe that's why I like him so much. He doesn't really care what we think. But he does appreciate the support. Do you know what I mean? And i think it's phenomenal the way Patrick can sing Pete's lyrics with such heart and feeling. I sometimes trick myself into thinking it's Pete singing. I cannot believe that beautiful voice comes out of little Patrick. And I also wonder if these songs are about the same girl. And if so, who is she? Because she must have been a horrible bitch. But it is also prodigious how he overcame the whole curse of love. I also want to comment on Pete "being gay". WHO CARES!? He can write and play a bass like no tomorrow, so who really gives a shit what he prefers. That's his business, not ours. Because we are all just fans. Looking in from the outside. Sometimes I need to repeat that to myself because I daydream about him so much. I feel so childish. I haven't had a crush on a movie star/famous person in a long time. I am 20 years old, I can't be pining over men I could never have. But for some reason, I still imagine that I meet him and he loves me and we become best friends and talk on the phone every day and......well, you get the picture. See. I don't even love him sexually ( although he is VERY sexy ). I am obsessed with Peter Wentz the poet. And if I knew Peter Wentz the person, I am sure I would ♥ him all the more. Do you know what I mean? My friend was like, you only love him because he's rich. HA!! I don't ever think about him and money. I think about his creativity and beauty. he is a breath-taker. I think this all for now. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: Grenade Jumper...FOB! (Comment on this)
9:14 pm	Just Another Fan Hanging on your every word...I bury myself deep into a dream. A dream where I can be anything or anyone I want to be. I dream myself into a place where you are are the ruler of the world, and because of this, everything is right again. But even though you are real, to me you are only music. I do not know you, and I probably never will. Hey Chris is right..I don't know your life. But you don't know mine either. And that's why I want to tell you so bad how much you mean to me. Even though it's impossible to care about someone you've never met, I care for you. And not in a creepy sort of stalkerish way. But in a way as one human being caring for another. I love to see you smile, it makes me feel at peace. I don't know why. Since I'm just another fan. Why do we hang on every word? Maybe because they are so eloquent and impressive. I love the way you write. It takes every breath from my entire soul and gives me chills up and down my body. You make me feel at home. Like no one can touch me or take you away from me. But I don't know you, and I probably never will. Because I am just another fan. Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: Take This To Your Grave (1 Comment |Comment on this)